Funeral Planning Can Prevent Problems

I have threatened -- yes, threatened -- my family numerous times that if they do this or don't do that for my funeral, I will "seriously come back and haunt them."

On a serious note, we have nothing written down in black and white. And we're not alone.

"I don't have anything in writing with (my family), but know that I should," said Sarah Christensen, 34, of Wisconsin Rapids. She and her husband, Mike, have three children.

It's something many people don't like to discuss, local funeral directors say. People spend time planning for life's major events -- births, college, weddings, buying a home -- but tend to shy away from funeral preplanning, a service offered by local funeral homes.

"It's human nature, because of the finality of it, we tend to want to put it off, obviously," said Rod Hafeman, an assistant to the funeral director at Higgins Funeral Home in Wisconsin Rapids.

Decisions need to be made quickly -- often within 48 hours of death-- during which time survivors are asked 60 to 70 questions regarding the wishes of the deceased and services, said Bill Lankford, director of preneed for Taylor, Vollert, & Jennings Funeral Home, Wisconsin Rapids.

"There are more details than the individual thinks about," Lankford said.

Christensen has talked about the issue with her husband, Mike, 35, her parents, and an attorney regarding her final wishes.

"Cremation and vaults -- I can't stand the thought of being buried in a box," she said. "I did however, make sure my parents knew my wishes on cremation as well so that there was no fighting if I died.

"I know it's important to have it written down so that everyone knows your wishes and there isn't any disagreement," Christensen said. "It's a stressful enough time when (someone) dies, and not having to add to that with arguments about burial and such would be important."

Lankford designed a preplanning guide to help families through the process, which he recommends they do before the need arises -- often easier said than done.

"Our primary purpose of this whole (thing) was to put something in the hands of the people as a guideline," Lankford said.

Planning could be a good financial decision -- a traditional funeral can cost as much as $10,000.

"If the people preplan and the money is put in an irrevocable trust, that money is protected in case they ever go into a nursing home or assisted living, no one can touch that money; it has to be used for a person's funeral," said Mike Ritchay of Ritchay Funeral Home.

Let your family know where your record of wishes is kept -- including, but not exclusively, in a will.

"That shouldn't be the only place, because sometimes wills aren't read until two or three weeks after the death," Ritchay said.

Death, like taxes, to paraphrase Ben Franklin, is certain.

"You may not go to college, you may not have children, but you will pass one day, and someone is going to be responsible for that," Hafeman said.

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